Past Light
by Clex4Ever
Summary: Bad memories haunt Lex in more ways than one. (Lex angst, Clexy friendship, might turn slashier later but safe for now. More chapters to follow.)


Hi! This is a work in progress, it might turn into slash later but it's just a Clexy friendship now. Right now there is Lex angst, Clark/Lex friendship, no real spoilers and I guess is somewhat AU. And I don't own these really cool characters, I'm just playing with them and will try to return them in even better shape than I found them.

Title: Past Light by Clex4Ever

Summary: Bad memories haunt Lex Luthor in more ways than one.

* * *

Cloudless winter afternoon over Smallville and Lionel Luthor's voice could be heard booming over the crowd gathered on Main Street. "I'm very pleased that you've joined me here today on the anniversary of my late wife's passing. As you might know, she died after a valiant struggle with a long and terrible illness, one that defeated her in body, but never in spirit. Therefore it is my great honor and pleasure to present to you this clinic in her honor, as well as the corner it sits on, now named after my darling wife, Eliza Luthor."

He nudged the young bald man next to him, who slouched sullenly in a crumpled black suit, purple tie askew, his face a study in aggravation. No response and the crowd murmured as Lionel nudged his son Lex again ... hard. 

Lex straightened up unsteadily, fake smile plastered on his face. He leaned down toward the microphone. "Yes. Thank you," he slurred. "Sank you very much." 

That was it and Lionel grinned tightly before cutting the ribbon on the clinic doors. Assorted dignitaries filed past, oooh and ahhing and he nodded them on before turning to Lex, speaking through clenched teeth. "If you ever do that again you little bastard, I will hurt you. Badly."

"I didn't know I was a bastard," Lex replied sweetly, wavering on his feet. "Thanks for letting me know. I think I'll throw a party."

"Be careful that it's not your last," replied his father, his eyes as cold as the air surrounding them. "And the next time you arrive at a public function drunk, you'll find yourself in a rehab so fast, your head will spin. A 'Siberian' rehab."

"Cool. I bet it'll beat this place to hell." Lex chuckled, then wandered away, taking yet another sip from a solid silver pocket flask. Straight Bombay Gin, blue bottle, and he was feeling very little pain. 

Saw a familiar face in the distance and waved him over.

"Hey, Lex." Clark Kent's smile was almost as bright as the Smallville sky above. "Great job with the clinic. It's just what the town needed." He examined his friend critically. "What's up? Are you feeling okay?"

"I can honestly say I've never felt quite this good. At least since last Saturday." He clapped a shaky hand to Clark's shoulder and steered him away from the crowd. "Come on, let's go for a walk or something."

Clark edged back and winced. "Whoa. Lex, what the hell have you been drinking? You could peel some serious paint there, my friend."

"Ooops. Sorry." Lex fumbled for a pack of gum in his pocket and stuffed a few pieces in his mouth. "Therb. Ibs dat betta?"

Clark grimaced horribly. "I think it might help if you took off the wrappers."

Lex laughed so hard the papery gum wad shot out of his mouth, onto faraway ground. "Shit," he laughed. "I can't do anything right today. No, scratch that. I can't do anything right period."

"Come on," said Clark, concerned. "Let's go to the Beanery for some coffee. My treat."

Lex was still laughing. "Your treat? But I'm. A. Billionaire," he said deliberately emphasizing each word. "Or a little bastard. Depends on who you talk to."

A small crowd began to form, staring at them. Clark blushed, then tugged on Lex's arm, leading him down the street toward the coffee house. "Just keeping walking, Lex. It's right over there."

Lex wobbled alongside him. "Just ask my father. He's the one who said it. Just ask him, Clark. He'll tell you."

* * *

Their time in the coffee house didn't help much, as Lex insisted on drinking from his flask between sips of cold latte. Clark began to despair a little as Lex got drunker, and more despondent as the hours passed. There was very little he could say, so he merely listened as Lex talked brokenly in hushed sloppy whispers about his mother: her long illness, sudden death, and the misery it wrought on his life.

"And then, worst of all, I was stuck with -him-." Lex spat out the last word. "She would have died a hundred time over before letting him do what he did to me through the years. That's the worst part I think. I dream sometimes she's watching us and crying and I'm the one who's making her so unhappy." Another long slug of gin. "Sometimes the dreams are so real, I can smell her perfume. She wore "Snow Lilies." You ever hear of it?"

Clark shook his head. "No. Was it nice?"

"It was beautiful. French perfume, a thousand dollars an ounce, and the only real indulgence she allowed herself, even though she could have had anything in the world she wanted. I got to give a bottle to her every Christmas and she always acted like she was so surprised and happy, as if I'd given her the world."

"At a thousand dollars an ounce, she wasn't so far off." Clark smiled gently at Lex over his coffee.

"That's nothing to us." Lex shrugged. "But if she were alive today, she'd be living with me. Both of us, together, without -him.-" His cheek twitched. "And I'd lay the world, the real world, at her feet. He wouldn't know what hit him."

"Who wouldn't know what hit him? Your father?" 

"Whoever he is," Lex snarled. "He likes to tell me he's not my father, which is fine with me. He says nasty things about my mother in private, then praises her in front of the sheep, just to get some good spin on the front pages of 'The Daily Planet.' I guess he forgot he was the one with the half dozen lovers, not her."

Clark bit his lip. He looked around and decided the Beanery was not a good place for this conversation. "You know, it's been a long day," he said gently. "Maybe I should get you home. It's probably dark out by now."

"It's always dark," Lex grumbled. "And I can get myself home."

"No, you can't." Clark held out his hand expectantly. "Give me your keys."

Lex stared up at him through heavy lids. "You just want to drive my car, don't you Kent?" 

"Yeah, that's it. Now give them to me."

Lex fumbled through his pockets and handed them over with surprisingly little argument. Clark waited patiently as Lex pulled himself together enough to walk out the door without stumbling too badly and they got into Lex's dark purple Porche.

Clark settled in behind the wheel and Lex snorted with laughter as the younger man ran his hands almost reverently over the dashboard. "You can have sex with it later," he smirked. "Just get me home first."

Clark blushed so furiously it was clearly seen, even in the dull light of the evening streetlamps. "Shut up, Lex," he groused, searching for the ignition. "Is this stick?"

"Yep." Lex leaned back against the leather headrest. "Can you handle it?"

"I was raised on a farm. Stick is all we know." The car started with a 'vroom' and they were off. A lot more slowly than Lex was used to but that was all right. His queasy stomach wasn't feeling quite up to speeds anywhere near what he usually drove at. The turned off of Main Street and onto the more rural roads lined by fields on every side.

Lex watched as the empty fields whirled by, so many bad memories bubbling up to his conscious mind from a dark place, deep inside. Memories of his mother's frantic flight to the castle in Smallville, her escape from Metropolis and Lionel, with her son in the passenger seat, seven years old and holding on for dear life, frightened nearly out of his mind. His father's pursuit of them, roaring behind them in his black coup, looking like the Devil chasing them down from the gates of hell.

They had a furious argument in front of the corn. Him, with his eyes tightly shut the whole time, then feeling the relief as he was gathered into her arms before they headed back to their city penthouse. 

__

*** "I'm sorry, my darling. Mama is so sorry." ***

More fields. More memories. This time of his father, taking him over the fields in a helicopter ride that scared Lex terribly, forcing his eyes open to survey what was supposed to be his future kingdom. His fateful stroll through the corn, then the terror as the meteors burned furiously overhead and ghostly cries surrounded him. 

Mother was still alive but sick by this time even though she hadn't told anyone. She'd tried to get father and son to bond, in desperate hopes of creating a future safe haven for Lex before she died but it was all in vain.

Instead Lex was injured, badly. She ignored her illness to care for him night and day, the terrible guilt radiating from her in waves of agony. The trip had been her idea, after all. How many times had she rocked him to sleep in his hospital room, a mournful lullaby falling from her lips?

__

*** I'm sorry, my baby. I love you so much and I'm so sorry. ***

She died a year later, taking whatever little boy was left in Lex into the grave with her.

Too bad she left the rest behind.

Lex blinked hard as the tears started. Damn it all. What an idiot he was, crying like a drunken fool and in front of Clark too. He thanked God for the darkness and if he didn't make any noise maybe his friend wouldn't notice, especially since the younger man had begun to fiddle with the stereo. Lex stared ahead at the road, trying to concentrate on anything but his memories. 

A light winter's fog was rolling in ahead, giving the back country road an otherworldly appearance. Nothing but the Porche's headlights for illumination and Lex hoped Clark knew the road they were on because he sure didn't. He squinted ahead trying to figure out where they were when he saw it.

It. In the middle of the road. Standing there in a full length white dress, the long, unmistakable red hair flowing nearly down to her waist. 

Just like his mother's.

The figure's hand was outstretched, her lips were moving and Lex's scream pierced through the car. "CLARK! STOOOOOP!'

The Porche lurched as the brakes screamed. It went into a terrifying spin and Lex saw nothing except the fearful fireworks that burst behind his tightly closed eyes. He heard a sickening _crunch_ and then there was nothing, nothing but cool darkness and his mother's voice sounding softly in his ear.

__

*** I'm sorry, baby. So sorry. ***

tbc ....

Feedback/reviews PLEASE! Makes me do a happy dance!


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